True stories with a twist!

ANNIVERSARIES

We are just a heartbeat away from June. June, Moon, Spoon.

Brides, Grooms, Weddings.

And shortly after the weddings come the anniversaries. The endless numbers of anniversaries. How to celebrate?

So many ways.

Some people buy a couple of airline tickets and whisk themselves off to an exciting trip to Europe. This is done in the name of and excuse for an anniversary celebration.

Others mark the occasion with dinner for two out in a special restaurant.

Some celebrate with family. Those who choose this option gain the advantage of having dinner while hearing about the goings on of family members.

In the task of finding unusual and special ways to celebrate an anniversary it is easy to lose sight of the purpose of the celebration.

I think it’s about the love you feel for each other. It’s about remembering problems you have shared together and how you supported and helped each other through difficult times. And being grateful for the good times.

I’m not one to feel that we have to make the most lavish, grand and expensive plans. I never compare what one person has vs. another. No keeping up with the Jones’ for me.

But still, I wonder what my husband has planned for our upcoming anniversary. He is full of surprises and comes up with some wonderful ideas. Please join in the quest for a special way to share. We’d love to hear about them.

And Happy Anniversary to all those June Brides and Grooms!

THE VIEWING

“Sure, we’d love to come over Friday night and see your new condo.”

It must be a huge weight off their shoulders; finally leaving their big house of thirty years, downsizing and squeezing into a condominium. Otherwise known as “Let’s see which of your possessions are REALLY important to you!”

Out with the children’s report cards from 1st grade forward, out with their cute drawings, with people’s hands appearing from the tops of their heads. No necks, no shoulders, just arms jutting out from heads. 

Out with clothing on the verge of becoming “vintage.”

Out with the clever kitchen gadgets nobody could live without. The yogurt-makers, the air deep fryers, the jelly donut-filling syringes.

Out with text books that no self-respecting former student could use for research. 

A clean start. How inspiring!

The night we arrived at the rows of identical buildings, block after block, trying to find our friends’ unit. We had trouble locating it so. we called them for directions. They said, “The GPS doesn’t have the name of our street yet.!” So we did it the old fashioned way: turn left at the post office, stay straight for 6 blocks and make a “U” turn right past the “Dunkin’ Donuts.” Another left, a few rights, just park outside and ring the bell.

So we did it, found it, got there and rang the bell.

After pleasantries the host began our anticipated tour of the new condo.

“This lot is a prime location. It cost us a little more, but it was worth it.”

“We stood at the living room window. As we looked outside we saw two lanes of busy traffic, each one perpendicular to the other. A three way traffic light was on the corner. Cars were at a stand-still, struggling to move, bumper to bumper. Our host proudly said, This is what we love most: He gestured grandly with a sweeping motion to the outside and said:

“Look at that view!”images

MADONNA AGAIN!

  

Everyone members Madonna! She is the musical performer who made a huge impact on the tastes, values and ideas of what is acceptable in our country. images-4.jpeg

You all have a favorite song or two of hers, don’t you? Or memories of the many incantations of her; the many redefinitions of her image.images-1.jpeg

A woman about sixty years old can no longer be considered a super-rock star, can she? 

images.jpegYet I was told that tomorrow night, May 1st, Madonna will be starring In the Billboard Awards show.  And that she has spent five million dollars on the props, costume and special effects for her performance. Does this extravagance make fans happy? Or curious, wondering why on  earth it was necessary to spend $5 million for a single television performance.     images-3.jpeg

But at least we can be comforted in the knowledge that Madonna is not appearing on the show because she needs the money…I feel so much better, don’t you?

As we sat on the Midtown Direct train leaving Convent Station heading to New York, a loud, raw, ugly sound came drifting through the train cars, attacking our calm, peaceful ears. It was the unmistakeable sound of a young child exploding into screams. 

Unknown

This sound was especially distressful since we had, the night before, seen an episode of “Call the Midwife.” In this episode everyone was absorbed by the unabated joy upon the faces of nurses, midwives and new parents. A baby was born. Cause for celebration. No reason to imagine that life from now on would be anything but ecstatic. 

Until baby becomes unhappy about something and its protests start reeling in from the next train car.

That child was completely unaware of its surroundings, totally disinterested in people’s reactions to the noises it was emitting. The baby had the power to force people to unwillingly listen. Nobody could simply switch the channel or activate a “stop” button. The child did not care what anybody thought of it’s screeching concert. He/she was tuned out of any reaction, reviews of the performance or negativity about its expression skills.

When does that change? When do people turn from screaming child unaware and uncaring about the effects of its disturbing their restful train ride? To twittering, self-conscious, insecure adolescent-like humans, afraid of being seen wearing the wrong brand of jeans? Or of expressing unpopular opinions to the “in crowd?”

Isn’t it a shame that the freedom baby has to express its desires and opinions is diminished just at the time that their ideas and opinions might finally become worthwhile and interesting to listen to?

If only babies came with control buttons. One to “mute” any vocal unhappinesses and the other to “play” the sweet sounds of contentment.

IMG_1810This elongated squirrel is the first view of what was going on at the bird feeder. “Those blasted squirrels,” he shouted; “They won’t get away with this.” I won’t go through another frustrating season watching those blasted squirrels steal the seed I bought for the birds.”

And so the battle began in the privacy of our back yard.

Man, armed with a newly sharpened pair of hedge sheers approaches the foot path  leading to access of the bird feeder.

IMG_1815Surveying the scene, he decides to sacrifice a few branches of the landscaper designed, perfectly manicured shrubbery serving as access for the squirrels to the feeder they lust after. He begins to mercilessly chop away at the previously wellIMG_1817 tended plants.

Reviewing the effect of his pruning job, he realizes that there still exist ways that can be used as jumping off points leading directly to the bird feeder. So he chops some more.

I cannot bear to show any further proof of the decimation of the backyard landscape. Take my word, though; the garden will no longer require landscape design, unless man is prepared to completely redesign the yard starting with the planting of seedlings.

The fully grown plants that used to exist in that area would be far too expensive to replace. And the squirrels have discovered their incredibly amazing ability to jump huge distances from nearby trees right onto their coveted bird feeder.

You can’t fool Mother Nature.

 

 

I feel completely in control and of sound mind.  I know I am perfectly safe when I put my head into a lion’s mouth. Similar to the kind of feeling of control that people feel when they free fall from the sky.

Airplanes are mechanical. They have no feelings when they toss people out into space. 

Lions are living creatures and do have feelings. They are territorial. They mark their ground and will challenge anyone crossing the line. Some might think I’m putting my life in danger when I place my trust in the kindness of a wild beast. But I believe I could safely put my head into a lion’s mouth. Why would a lion hurt me when I mean it no harm?images-1

Being involved in this challenge won’t be the first time people have doubted the beliefs of others. They all laughed when Christopher Columbus said the world was round. That assumption is elementary compared to putting your head into a lion’s mouth.

Unknown.jpegCan you remember the days when people doubted the safety of jumping out of airplanes? Jumping from planes is now a sport; maybe it will be an Olympic sport soon. We call the sport “Skydiving,” and it is every bit as safe as putting your head into a lion’s mouth. Lion’s mouth’s don’t require equipment, which can be troublesome: all you need is the good, warm support  and cooperation of the lion.

Unfortunately, in skydiving does require equipment. It is possible that equipment will not operate properly. Circumstances change; sometimes rip cords don’t open when they are pulled. How many airborne soldiers never made it to the ground because parachutes malfunctioned?

A skydiver or two is killed occasionally while jumping out of an airplane.

Sometimes the landing field is overshot and the diver is blown far afield.

Broken bones and other injuries are not uncommon due to bumpy landings. 

But now and then it can be safe to jump out of a moving airplane.

Aside from the possibility of getting killed or crippled for no good reason, they tell me that skydiving can be good, clean fun, exciting and challenging.

But so can putting your head into a lion’s mouth.

What an annoying necessity it is to go for a haircut. Why do we need haircuts on such a regular basis? What was so terrible to walk around sporting a look like Lady Godiva or Cher? Must we always be so darn groomed in order to appear acceptable?

So as I was probing and considering the irritating ritual of transitioning from needing a haircut to well-groomed person, I was fuming about a totally different issue.

I have seen people casually walking around, cell phone in hand, phone encased in a battery charging case, seemingly without needing to recharge the device. But, as I learned on our summer vacation, using your cell phone to take photographs causes battery time to run down quite rapidly. One minute I was filming the Andes Mountains and suddenly my phone’s camera was dead. I would have to resort to old issues of National Geographic magazine to see real pictures.

Whether you happen to be hiking the Andes or meandering through the streets of Manhattan, what do you do if your battery needs a charge? Duck into a local clothing shop, plug it in next to the new spring suits?” Then pretend to browse while the phone recharges?

And what if you forgot to bring your charging cord?

So I was counting on a battery charging case that fits right over the phone and takes over when battery time expires. I sent for the case. 

The new battery charging computer case I ordered had just arrived from Amazon before I left the house for the hairdresser.

The directions said that first I had to “open the bumper.” What language were they speaking? What is a bumper? It sounded British, but since the Brits were busy figuring out what to do with Brexit I dared not look to them for an explanation. And even if I understood the meaning of “bumper,” how would I open it? No explanations given; just orders. Since it was made in China I couldn’t call them for a lesson either.

 Now if only I could attach the case to the phone I’d be happy. But try as I might I couldn’t open it to insert the phone.

As I pondered and agitated about my situation my haircut was completed. I was about to extricate myself from the chair and pay the bill when it happened. A lucky opportunity in the form of an innocent teenaged boy entering the salon. The boy asked where the ATM was, and as he withdrew the money he needed for a haircut the answer to my problem formed in my mind. 

The boy started to wedge himself into the hairdresser’s chair when I casually approached him, and asked,

“Have you ever seen these kinds of chargers? “

“Sure,” was his loquacious one word reply. 

“Did you ever hear of a Bumper?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, great! Would you mind showing me how to put my cell phone into it?”

He was now in his comfort zone.

He took the case and the phone and before I could say, “Split ends,” the two were entwined and functioning as one!

So the saying, “If you want to know how to do anything involving technology ask a young person!” is true. 

It seems to work every time. To further prove my point, some day let me tell you how my 14 year old grandson taught me how to use the safety features on my new car!

Tag Cloud