True stories with a twist!


They want to close it. I understand the “why,” but how about the “how?” How could a town as large as Morristown be left post-office-less?

The letter came in the mail and included a survey. We were asked to answer all the questions that would help decide the future of Morristown’s Post Office. Can it be that citizens actually have a voice in Post Office decisions? Can it be within my power to stop the close-happy powers in their slimy tracks?

I will help save this needed facility. I will protect the jobs of all the employees working there. I’ll let the survey senders know how valuable the post office is to our town.

Here are some of the questions they asked to determine whether this post office is necessary: all I have to do is check the column of uses as “Daily, Weekly, Monthly, Twice a Year or Never.”

The questions on the questionnaire looked easy enough: do I buy stamps there, “yes’’.   But daily? monthly? once in a decade? I buy stamps when letters bounce back warning, “needs more postage.” If they would stop raising the price of stamps by one penny I’d have stamps with the right postage.  

But then came the nastier, trickier questions.

1) Buying stamp-collecting material. No. I have never been attracted to the sedentary style of this hobby. I much prefer walking, swimming, or hot-air balloon riding. Therefore I do not buy stamp collector materials here or anywhere. I had to check the “never” box.

2) Entering permit or bulk mailings. Could they mean the birthday present I send Aunt Gertrude every April 28th? That’s probably not what the P.O. means at all. Since I don’t do bulk mailings I had to check “never” again.

3) Obtaining federal agency forms like selective service or duck stamps. OK: I give up; what are duck stamps? No, I’m afraid I’ve never asked for one, since I don’t know what they are. Selective service? ME? Nope, not that either. Get ready for another “never.”

4) School Bus Stop: What does that have to do with the post office? This is getting silly.

5) Community gathering place: I can see it now: “Friends of Night Crawlers’ Association” will meet at the post office for our annual meeting.”  Ridiculous. Of course nobody uses the post office as a gathering place. Must I check another “never” box?

If these are the kinds of activities the Morristown Post Office sponsors, and so many “never” boxes were checked, maybe they’re right.

Now I wonder why post offices were invented at all.

Comments on: "CLOSING TIME" (20)

  1. Friends of Night Crawlers’ Association. Hilarious.

  2. Hi Ronnie–I wanted to let you know that you might want to check out my latest blog post as I’ve nominated you (finally!) for the “Kreativ Blogger” Award. Congratulations! And keep writing…I love reading your posts.

  3. jakesprinter said:

    Great entry my friend 🙂

  4. I’ve heard of a lot of post offices closing in a lot of places. I don’t understand. They are such an important part of a town. And those questions on the survey seemed designed to make sure you ticked the ‘never’ box giving them exactly what they want which is to shut the place down. Very wrong!

  5. What weighted questions.. did you write a letter as well, tell them that if they combined the PO with a general store then some of our little towns may even save them both. My local PO is still open thank god because she will have my postcards flying out through there in the not too distant future. Anyway, if they DO close yours? Can you pop in and see if they have any of their OLD scales there anymore, i need them for my lambs, not the electronic ones though! If we cannot depend on the PO we certainly cannot depend on electricity! c

  6. I started out thinking what the heck? Of course they shouldn’t close the post office! By the time I got to the last sentence I was thinking You Betcha! Close that sucker! Maybe the stamp collectors gather at the post office which would be another good reason to opt out! Great post Ronnie.

  7. I am so torn on this issue of closing post offices. The postal workers I’ve encountered are so SNARKY, it’s hard for me to muster up much empathy for their pending unemployment. But then, if my job was under constant threat of being abolished I probably wouldn’t glow with happiness either. Wonder what would Kevin Costner do?

  8. arbohl said:

    They’re closing the post office in my hometown too. Something about too much email? I’m all for writing letters the old fashioned way 🙂

  9. It’s hard to believe something that’s been part of our infrastructure for so long is on its way out. I suppose I can adapt to the post office closing, as long as they don’t touch the library!

  10. Having been born in Morristown–although my family was actually in Florham Park–I plan to use my considerable prestige to save the post office.

  11. Hi,
    They seem like a lot of ridiculous questions to me as well. “Duck Stamps” what on earth are they? Did you ever find out? The only decent question was the first one. 🙂

  12. I was uneasy when I got that survey too. Just the thought of long time institutions closing bothers me. I’m still not over Eptsein’s!!!! Life as we know it, or have known it is going to change, and it is a challenge to keep up. As long as Barnes and Nobles stays open , I’ll be okay, I think?!

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