It’s hard to lose a friend. Someone who has been close to you the better part of your life. Someone you counted on and trusted. Yes, it is sad. And it is a loss. And I’ll never understand the Power Of Why.
The force that drove us apart was not as final as death, or as devastating as hearing the irretrievable verbally thrown at you. The force is now caused by a man made invention called golf.
I’m not the only person in the world who does not play golf. The draw the game has on thousands of people around the world is hard for me to understand. As one who was never bitten by the golfing bug I just doesn’t get it. The all-encompassing time it takes to become a good golfer is even harder to understand. No time to go for a hike, see a movie, chat over lunch.
“I’m playing in a tournament that day.” 
“My golfing partner needs me for a foursome that day.”
“I scheduled a golf lesson that day.”
My golfing friend has made many new friends who love golf and play it almost to the exclusion of anything else. They even plan vacations around where the good golf courses are. As bored as I am listening to them discuss putters, choppers and drivers is how bored they must be listening to me talk about lectures, plays or books.
We once shared many interests, and while my interests have broadened, hers have shrunken into a four letter word starting with “G.”
I haven’t felt this rejected since the time I was 11 and told by an older, sophisticated woman of 12,
“Please stop hanging out with me and my friends. We have nothing in common any more; you don’t like boys like we do.” She really meant “You don’t like chasing boys the way we do.” These friends had become man-hungry pre-teens. And now I’m getting the same treatment from a friend because I don’t play golf.
Is that fair? “Who said life is fair?”
Is that right? “Are you now presuming to judge right from wrong?”
Is that insulting? “Only if you allow yourself to feel insulted.”
Thank you, oh guru, for your kind, reassuring words of wisdom.
But if you’re so smart why didn’t you ever learn to play golf?
MorristownMemos 
Comments on: "LOSING A FRIEND" (42)
When someone leaves, it is because someone else is about to arrive. -Paulo Coelho
Subhan Zein
What a wonderful way to feel. It takes away the hurtful feelings. Thanks, Subhan.
Pleasure is mine. Many blessings and much love to you. 🙂
Subhan Zein
I’ve never been a golf enthusiast, but I know people who indeed get consumed by it. I hope this is just a phase. 🙂
That is possible. Maybe when the newness wears off the golf craze will wear off too.
I’ll never understand why, but for some reason people can’t just like golf or think it’s OK. It’s always disinterest or obsession, very little in between. Can’t say I’ve ever been excited by it myself. And the loss of a friendship is horrible, but sometimes it’s not always the end. Some friends seem to flit in and out of each other’s lives yet are always connected on some level and so always go back to one another sooner or later. Whatever the outcome, we always learn something from the people who cross our paths. 🙂
That’s true; if you look at pictures taken at large celebrations in your life, how many of the same people who were there are still good friends?
There’s only ever a small number of real friends, even among a large number of acquaintances. But that’s OK, because it’s more genuine that way. 🙂
So sad 😦
If it makes you feel better, I was once advised by a (really high level) female executive not to take up golf. She said the stress and other negatives more than negated the fun and the positive career benefits… We were drinking wine with the other non-golfers in the department and it sure looked like we were having more fun!
That’s interesting. I was working at a bank and a rising employee asked the bank to pay for her golf lessons.She said more business was transacted on the golf course than in the office!
The bank president approved her request.
Sigh. That’s so true about golf.. and tennis.. and football.. Ouch! Now let me get back to my game of solitaire.. 😦
OOH, can I play too???
YES! …another person after my own heart…a heart against golfing!!!
It is sad to lose a friendship, but to lose a friendship to the game of golf and all of its abhorrence, is just shameful! I am so sorry.
Thank you, Rivka. Maybe the winter, when it’s too cold to play golf, will rekindle the friendship.
It’s hockey where we live, Ronnie. If you’re not obsessed with it, you don’t really exist. Like hockey, golf is a part-time activity, something people do with a small amount of their spare time. It’s a strange reason to abandon a friendship.
…it wasn’t abandoned purposely; but every moment of spare time is spent in golf related activities, including dates with new golf buddies.
Hockey? Our grandson suffered 3 concussions during his brief high school career of star hockey player. He was finally forbidden to play it any more. Now he runs track.
Interests are wonderful, but fanatic interests are unappealing, no matter what they are.
So funny, timing…was just in a conversation about golf this morning…and how I don’t play…but mostly because life has just not allowed me the time for it…I am neutral on it, cold live without it altogether, but if I learned how and liked it…well, ok! But I have never lost a friend over something such as golf…I suppose the friendship needed some tending or assessment if she could move on so easily ?? Great post…got me thinking!
I think you are assuming a casual relationship with golf. But I see those really “into it” being devoted. almost controlled by the game. Maybe that’s just the inner self-competitiveness coming through…
I suppose you are right Ronnie! I don’t know anyone who’s controlled by the game, well, at least not anyone I call a friend, so I can’t speak from that experience at all. I’m sorry you had to go through this…
I guess I should stop poking fun at my husband for spending so much time in the garden!
Especially since you get a nice return of fresh veggies for his time.
I don’t get it either, Ronnie. I’d rather hike a mountain or ride my bike or swim in the ocean – or even sit quietly with a friend in conversation! Aye-yiyi 😉
Bela, I like your choices much better. Time is our most valuable commodity, so each of us should spend it in a way that makes sense to us.
Ronnie, I could never understand the fascination of chasing a little white ball around. This would include: golf, tennis, baseball (although I do watch it cuz my grandson loves it), or badmitton.
Some are fanatical about sports though. Recently, a friend told me about his experience with a golfing friend. When a funeral procession drove by, his friend took his hat off, bowed his head, and said a little prayer as it passed. My friend was impressed by the respect the guy showed.
His response: “It’s the least I could do. That was my wife.”
(Sorry … old joke.)
Cute joke; that one passed me by.
Sorry to hear about your friend. Thanks for sharing.
She seems very happy, so good for her!
I don’t and won’t golf. I don’t like football – actually, I don’t like a lot of sports. I’m usually standing on the outside but not looking in because I just don’t care. Yes, my social life is less than energetic, but I figure it leaves me with fewer friends to lose. Hey, but seriously, we grow apart. The friends we have now aren’t always the ones we’ll have later.
If you look at the people who were with you at the important times in your life you’ll see that they rarely are the same people who are important to you now.
There’s no rejection; it’s just different now. And it’s only golf – she’ll come back to her senses at some point. Agree that its hard though.
Thanks, Grace. I suppose she sees it as being part of a popular sport and doesn’t think of creating any negative feelings.
Not learning or liking golf was the smart move. There is something overwhelmingly dull about about total immersion in sport. It’s nearly as bad as total immersion in religion or politics, except those two fanaticisms are dangerous whereas golf just puts dull people together in a field.
You’re right, Roger. It’s the total immersion quality that does verge on fanaticism.
Ahhh the golfing widow… an old problem that comes from the time of yore…. golf grabs and like a drug it keeps making you believe you can be good at it… so few attain those heights and sooner or later the drug tends to wear off to an extent… I have played golf all my life… won my first competition at the age of 8, was a junior competition, but still. I still play when I get the urge and there is nothing else going on that day, otherwise it now takes a back seat… I am heavily involved in the golf industry.. as a semi retired golf green keeper… and now developer of a computer program for golf course use, I do have to love the game… but not to the detriment of my family life….
It sounds as if you have reached a reasonable sense of balance, which is something many golfers don’t seem to have.
Ouch, that really does hurt! My sympathy and I hope you find someone who finds loyalty to be top of their list!
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Thanks, craftcrazy, too bad you live so far away, or we could do some fun craft projects together.
I’d love that!
I lost a friend to tennis once. I feel your pain. Now I just make friends with sloth-like people whose greatest ambition is trying to exert as little energy as possible. They don’t play golf. They don’t play tennis. They don’t move off of the couch. They’re always there (on the couch) for me. Life is good.
That sounds good, although some occasional stretching or crunching would be fine too.
I don’t play golf and have no interest.
We have to reschedule! Do you have power? email me is best– lisakwinkler@gmail.com
…but you bicycle. Do you have biking buddies who turn walking areas into dive bomber sites, always shouting “On your right!,” as you practically toss us off the path?