Now just a minute; where is it written? Who says so?
Let’s discuss wedding vows. There once was a vow to “Love, Honor and Obey.” That word ‘Obey” seemed to apply exclusively to women, who were supposed to be doing all the obeying. Women gave that idea negative reviews although men seemed quite happy about it. That word was eventually struck from the vows. Nobody I know in the 20th or 21st century any longer agrees to “Obey.”
What else do people promise to do in order to become legally married?
Do wedding vows demand that women host Super Bowl Parties, 
or invite loud groups of rowdy beer swilling men to gorge themselves on football food, scream and suggest various plays to players? Or shout their opinions of players’ performances to the TV screen?
Where in the marriage contract does the word “cook” arise? Does anyone ever promise to cook three meals a day for 65 years? 
Does anyone ever agree to prepare separate meals for family members preferring an alternate menu from the one set before them?
I don’t think so.
What other suggestions do you have for modernizing today’s wedding vows?
MorristownMemos 
Comments on: "WEDDING VOWS" (59)
I love your style and your sense of humor! I am glad I found you.
I always tell Oregano that the Hebrew part of our ketubah (which neither of us can read), clearly states that all vermin and insect removal is his responsibility. If I have to cook and do laundry, he’s in charge of carcasses.
If that includes Stink Bugs you have a good arrangement.
It definitely includes stink bugs. Our general rule of thumb is that anything with more than 2 legs is his responsibility.
Hold a moment, let me go read mine. I don’t recall it saying anything about the division of responsibilities, so I divide them the way I see fit.
On a more serious note for me, women have been the most repressed and subjugated group of humans to roam this planet. And in large parts of the world, they still are. Another example of the physically strong taking advantage of physically weaker people. I’m not so sure the whole concept of marriage is not outdated. My wife and I are together and will be until we die because of love and mutual respect and admiration not because some piece of paper or phony baloney vows that were said. Women should never give up the fight until they have total equality with every man in every part of the world. Nuff said. HF
Nah, I think you and your wife are still together because you keep her laughing all the time and life with you is probably too much fun to give up.
Good post. Makes you wonder about the history of feminine suppression and inequity but then that’s just me and what I’ve been studying lately. Thanks.
Actually I have as well. My book club has earmarked this year to be reading about women who have changed the world.
My husband and I were married by the most thoughtful, wonderful woman who suggested we write our own vows. What needed to be said about being joined legally was said. The rest were our own words which were so meaningful to us – still are.
How beautiful. I wonder what I would have said if we had chosen to write our own vows? Maybe we should do it all over again and try it that way…
It’s never too late! 😉
We struck the “obey”, and the give away part, though my dad walked me down the aisle. I’d promise to cook for a lifetime though–no hesitation 😉
Cooking is a wonderful activity that I enjoy a lot. The problem is that we don’t like the same kinds of food. I’m more of a hearty soup, salad person and my husband loves all the worst healthy foods like sausages, hot dogs and fried stuff. If I ever served those foods to him I would feel as if I were committing murder.
Hello, Ronnie. I have nominated you for another readership award. If you’d like to pick it up, here is the link:
http://85degrees.wordpress.com/2013/02/07/appreciation-and-awards/#comment-1080
Congrats.
Uzoma, You are too kind! Thank you for always considering me; I am a big fan of your writing, too.
To keep peace and harmony in our marriage, I vow to watch the Superbowl Game with my hubby (but only for the commercials).
Dave said he learned from a former boss that there are only 2 rules to marriage: (1) the wife is always right; and, (2) See rule #1.
You have to love that. 🙂
What a terrific boss to work for! I like the way he thinks.
I think men should promise tobdo the laundry.
I would sign on to that!
🙂
I think they should do it, not only promise!
A touchy subject you raise here… but I must say I enjoyed the comment s as well… I think the perfect vows in today’s world is simply “To love, honour, share, support and comfort” and for the ladies to agree to always lift the toilet seat when they are finished…
Or perhaps you men should promise to always put the lid down again.
BUT aren’t we lucky to have such minor bits with which to disagree?
Lid up Lid down… must be the most argued point in every house hold… but as you say so minor a point… a friend of mine when he built his house had two built in next to each other… a his and hers… now he says he can’t get out of the habit of putting his seat back down… just goes to show…
Thanks for brightening up my day, really enjoyed this. I guess agree your own vows before taking THAT vow.
For sure; good point.
I struck off “obey” from my vows! I like the notion of writing your own vows, but fear they may be too romantically lovey dovey, not enough substance. Ah well, we oldies didn’t do too badly 😉
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
You’re right. Whatever the odds and disagreements over the years we lasted!
“…to touch the cooking pot.”
My would-be partner says African men should learn from some of their counterparts in the west. I mean those who join their wives in the kitchen from time to time. Here it is not in a man’s dictionary to the cooking pot.
Now Ozoma, don’t you know that the most famous chefs are men?
Who knows what amazing meals you could create if you ventured close to that cooking pot one day…
lol…But I’m such a bad cook! Well, I will let you know if things turn around someday.
About the award: I wish there was a better way to say “thank you.” You’re so wonderful!
Anyone who can read can cook!
Flattery will get you everywhere.
I recently saw a great set of vows in “Jane Vows Vengance” that talked about supporting each other and sharing their hops and dreams. Forget ‘obey,’ I want the daily adventure.
Daily adventures sound wonderful to me; as long as they’re not daily hum drum boring.
Thou shall not snore!
My mother used to inflict her own self appointed right to “fine” my father if he committed some disapproved action.
Wedding vows indeed! 🙂
The list of unbudgeted vows are endless.
Your creative mind keeps fishing out ways of putting a smile on faces.
You’ve just converted some seemingly huge issues in homes into a light relief.
Marriage really needs understanding to excel.
Understanding is superior to obedience, because it will inspire obedience! 🙂
A lovely way to think of it.
The one that says the woman will be the only one who sees something lying on the floor in need of being picked up. 😉
…but what great exercise it is to bend down and get back up!
Now there’s a positive spin!
Oh awesome, i only cook half the time actually! John does the rest. i just don’t need to eat that often! I’m a bad wifey! I once heard a joke that women dressed in white on their wedding day to match the whiteware! That joke must come from the days when fridges and stoves were ONLY white! Not y mothers time either .. she had an orange stove! love love.. c
So those recipes you occasionally post are John’s, not yours? My favorite is still that vodka drink marinated with milk and orange juice. In fact I must whip up another batch soon.
I had better make another one too, i need the citrus!! c
In the Greek Orthodox Wedding Ceremony, the woman still promises to “obey”. Only the woman. Nothing like 4th Century laws intruding on 21st century thinking.
Enjoy!
Would it work to keep your fingers crossed as you take that vow? Does crossing your fingers still undo promises you make the way it did when I was about 10?
A good friend of ours used to say: ” I never promised to love, honor and redecorate.”
I’m with that. No painting or wallpapering for me.
‘Did it when we bought the house, so don’t have to do it again, right?
That shalt be considerate of each other and not cause their spouse’s blood pressure to rise.
That is always a good thing to do; I’ll remember that during the next argument.
My husband and I try to avoid arguments by making a joke out of everything. So far it is working. But then again we are newlyweds (not yet three years) and don’t spend a lot of time with each other. Maybe you want to try that? 🙂
Time apart is a good idea.
PS Remember you are taking advice from a woman who is in her FIFTH marriage.
Is that true, or an exaggeration?
It is true. I finally find a keeper. My childhood did not train me on how to find a good man. I had to learn the hared way.
But from each marriage something could came so no complaints.
“I promise to devote at least one hour every day to talking and listening to my spouse — with television, radio, computer, iPad, iPod, and cell phone all turned off.”
I do hope that keeping that vow is not as difficult for you as it sounds…