True stories with a twist!

images-4Isn’t Google the most incredible source of information the world ever could imagine? Nobody has to drag out the Encyclopedia Britannica to find elusive answers. Nobody has to travel to the library to spend a day at the research department. Nobody has to call a friend to ask.

I am filled with wonderment every time I ask Google a question and within seconds, receive the carefully researched, perfect answer. I am in awe of Google’s brilliance. He’s smarter than the winners of TV’s Jeopardy, can out-spell any top spelling bee champion and is even smarter than the GE Science prize winner and Pillsbury bake-off winner combined.

I depend on Mr. Google to help me clarify all sorts of facts, from the dollar amount of the national debt to a tricky word on a New York Times crossword puzzle. Dear Mr. Google always covers my back. What a capacity for knowledge; what a storage of facts his brain recalls.

I’m a bit embarrassed to admit that I have developed a huge crush on Mr. Google. I dream of life with a being who is so smart, so intelligent, so well read. What would it be like to live with someone who knew all the answers to plumbing, electrical and construction problems? Can you imagine the ecstasy of living with a guy thoroughly enlightened with the Kama Sutra, who knows all of Anais Nin’s work, and even has a passing knowledge of Fifty Shades of Gray? All three editions?

But it’s too late now. If only I had met Mr. G years ago we could have had an exciting and harmonious life. I would be on cloud nine, and all the other happy cliches, having an ideal information source near me at all times. I would be happy to have him by my side, feeding me facts I need as I needed them. I would love that.

Or would I? What would it be like to live with someone who knows everything? Someone who could correct everything anyone said. Someone who could put you down for your ignorance of quantum physics. Nobody likes a wise guy. Nobody likes a know-it-all. Nobody is interested in an opinionated, self-impressed boor.

Would he ever respect my point of view? Would I ever have a chance to express one? Would I remember that I even have my own point of view? Mr. Smarty-Pants would become tiresome quickly. I would get irritated just hearing him expound on his boring old facts. Who really cares about the numbers of the National debt? Look it up in any financial paper, or ask a stock broker. Crossword puzzle answers? Getting the answers is cheating anyway and I shouldn’t be counting on him to get me through the puzzle. Well, maybe Saturday’s puzzle.

My friends would think he was a creep and a nerd with a giant ego. People would avoid us; nobody wants to be second guessed, put down and contradicted at every turn. I’m lucky to have my imperfect, faultlessly human and challenging life. Perfection is overrated. I’ll take “human flaws” any time.

Anyway he probably slurps his soup, bites his nails and perpetually scowls!

Comments on: "I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU" (47)

  1. One must be wary of using just any source that pops up on Google. Some citations are nothing but thinly disguised advertisements. I have heard more than one teacher complain about students defending their schoolwork (based on “research”) done on the web.
    While true that much research can be done online the GIGO principle holds (garbage in, garbage out).

    While working on my recently earned MA in history, I contributed to several articles on Wikipedia site as part of my graduate work. I have more confidence in Wiki than any other source because it is refereed by scholars.

    Knowledge is complex, and the further you dig, the more you realize that knowledge is elusive. There are mostly only quick and dirty answers via Google.

  2. Yes, looking up answers for your New York Times crossword is cheating. Google is not a good influence. Best to kick Google to the curb. 🙂

  3. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    This week I did a post on my relationship with my computer – here is a post that describes a relationship with Google – I have to say that I go along with it – Google Translate is a wonder although I may have insulted many people in several languages based on this trust!

  4. Very funny and insightful! But now, when Mr. Google is not around to help me, I feel “less than smart” if I don’t the name of the actor who played the landlord in the 1967 movie “The Graduate”.

    • Oh no; now I have to ask Google who that actor was. Fred MacMurrey was the “lover,” Shirley Maclaine was the woman involved with him and Jack Lemmon was the young man who gets involved. Right? On to google to check it out.

      • I’m impressed with your good memory. I just happen to remember this piece of trivia because the actor was Norman Fell, who is more famous for playing the landlord on the TV show “Three’s Company”.

  5. Ronnie, you are funnee 😉

  6. wonderful piece

  7. Reblogged this on mumumugu.

  8. I think you’d eventually grow impatient with him, too — for example, any time he took more than three thousandths of a second to answer. You’d begin to wonder if he was even listening.

  9. You crack me up Ronnie! A crush on Mr. Google – the perfect mate who is too perfect and maybe slurps in his soup. 🙂 LOL! I am in love with Mr. Google too since my old Compton’s encyclopedia is so old it doesn’t include space travel and country boundaries are entirely different now.

  10. He burps…, and does other rude things too !

  11. A joke doing the rounds says that Google is a “she”, she starts correcting you as soon as you make mistakes 😉

    In awe of Google, really

  12. Thank-you for the lunchtime chuckle. I have always thought that it is “Ms Google” because she is all-knowing and can multitask.

  13. You made laugh, you made me think deeply about this post. Yes, I fear that this Mr. Know-It-All (in my case a Mrs., of course :D) will be an arrogant person, who probably may lose interest in me because I don’t know as much as he does. No, I can’t stand such a person.

  14. Ronnie … While Mr. Smarty Pants … er, I mean, Mr. Google … might help you out with that stressing quantum physics question, he would not have been able to help you – as your hubby did – with that beautiful garden and koi swimming happily in your pool.

    BTW, give some credit to Siri. She knows all the answers as well … including: whether pigs can fly, or whether you should take the red pill or the blue one. (a question posed in the movie, Matrix).

    Thanks for the chuckles.

  15. DAVID LERMAN said: it——————————————–

  16. DAVID LERMAN said:

    This is a winner, a total riot…love ut——————————————–

  17. Oh my — and if I could just type as fast as I think, I’d spell female correctly too! 🙂

  18. I’m with Lisa — how do you know Google’s a ‘he’? Maybe he’s a she because… seriously, don’t women know everything? 🙂

    Love this — love your sense of humour and writing style. (secretly — male or femail, I’ve got a crush on Google too!)

  19. Plus he often lies! Makes you think something is true only to later find out it’s not. I think you dodged a bullet with that one. 😉

  20. You have a way with words that’s pretty amazing! Google is one of the miracles of the modern age! Great post as usual Ronnie!

  21. Hilarious! How do you know Google’s a he? I do find it amazing how Google has become a verb, and how it has replaced all the other search engines that first appeared. See the movie The Internship– funny look about life inside the company.

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