True stories with a twist!

It’s a myth. There is no way men can satisfy dreams of relaxing at the end of the day with their aching feet immersed in soft, warm, comfortable slouchy slippers.

How can they exist when nobody sells them any more? I have checked. They are simply no longer available. My husband, Harvey, and I went into every single store in the Mall. Department stores, shoe stores and every other store except Victoria’s Secret, asking for men’s slippers. Every salesperson told us they do not carry mens’ slippers. “Maybe at holiday time,” some of them offered, but otherwise men’s slippers no longer exist on the open market in the free world.

What happened? When did this travesty befall mankind?

 

 

DAN’S SLIPPERS 

photo

 

Where have they gone? Has organized crime taken over the mens’ slippers distribution operation? Who do you have to know to be privy to the stash of this valuable commodity? Is there a secret password to whisper? A secret knock on the door to gain entry to the rich cache of mens’ slipper stock?

If slippers are no longer available, what do men wear on their feet when they get home from work and want to relax? What do they slip their feet into when they get out of bed in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning? Do men walk around barefoot Behind closed doors? Even in frigid winter weather?

What happens to the loyal “man’s best friend,” when Master returns home at night? Has the dog’s role changed? What does he bring if no slippers are in sight?

And that’s not the only notable change. Podiatrists are suddenly swamped with male patients flocking to their offices for from splinter extractions. These splinters were acquired from clomping around barefoot on wooden surfaces.

 

 

Sales of air fresheners have tripled since options to hide feet in slippers have disappeared. Naked bare feet are shockingly stinky. And ugly! So stock up on slippers when the holidays come around to guard against the threat of mens’ bare feet appearing in your home.

As for the rest of the saying, “slippers and pipe,” I’m happy to tell you that pipes are not yet considered contraband. Although they cause health concerns they are still available for purchase in a store near you.

Your dog will be so grateful; and relieved to have his job partially restored.

Comments on: "SLIPPERS AND PIPE" (42)

  1. So funny, Ronnie. In my family slippers seem to be a generational thing, My parents still where slippers — my mother has always worn high-heeled slippers in fact! Yet the slipper wearing stopped there. I wear socks and my kids go barefoot. I guess there’s nowhere to go from there, except, as you pointed out, to the podiatrist!

  2. I suppose this is yet one more manifestation of physical stores closing down in the face of onslaught by On-line sites. And whatever few remain hardly carry slow moving items. Home slippers I guess falls in this category.

    So why not look for and order the item On-line? The other option is to travel to the less developed countries where the physical stores yet continue to survive! For how long, one can only wonder.

    Shakti

  3. Anonymous said:

    I saw them in the Renovation Hardware catalog.

  4. fransiweinstein said:

    Google them — you might find some online..

  5. You are so right! I wanted to buy my dad some slippers and I had a terrible time. I ended up buying them from Zappos.com. I went to store after store and in some instances I couldn’t even get the young salesperson to acknowledge they knew what I was talking about. Fortunately, buying them on-line I saved my dad from a trip to the doctor for splinter extraction! 🙂 On-line is a good way to go, and Zappos has free return!

  6. A good question. Some marketers simply don’t get it. Tyr Footsmart. It seems to cater to the fuzzy bunny slipper crowd.

  7. An acute observation! I wonder what else has disappeared when I wasn’t looking. 🙂

  8. These don’t look too bad: http://www.amazon.com/UGG-Ascot-Tweed-Stout-Slipper/dp/B00HZ28P6M%3Fpsc%3D1%26SubscriptionId%3DAKIAILSHYYTFIVPWUY6Q%26tag%3Dduckduckgo-osx-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3DB00HZ28P6M
    And yes, LL Bean. Cabelas. Etc.
    I know the frustration of trying to give local retail my business. I buy so much online anymore, because of the frustration. One day (or week or month) they have ‘it,’ the next (fill in the blank), they don’t. Good luck!

  9. Slipper season is just commencing. Soon you’ll be knocking over giant mountains of them in department stores all over our fair land. Hold on!

  10. What’s the world coming to, Ronnie, when you can’t slip on some comfy slippers, stoke up your pipe and relax in the recliner? Thanks for the chuckles. Hope you find the slippers. 😉

  11. Alyce Garver said:

    Hi Ronnie – That’s funny, and even when you go to Kohl’s online all the slippers you are talking about are ONLY available online. Guess they believe men only shop online, which is blind to the fact that women usually do the store shopping.

    I have to apologize that I have been M.I.A., I am having trouble with the “starting” part of writing. If I don’t write, I can’t be bad at it (what I think my sub-conscious is thinking.) Fondly – Alyce

    Alyce Garver   Corporate Trainer, Subject Matter Expert, Instructional Designer, and Graphic Designer      973.879.9317 cell 973.334.4625 home http://www.linkedin.com/in/alycegarver/

  12. Perhaps you will have to take up crocheting your own slippers for men and for yourself. They can be very comfortable!

  13. Yes! I’ve noticed the same thing. I was trying to find my oldest son a new pair of slippers. He likes toddling around in them. Was not easy to locate any. I finally found some at Famous Footwear. They’re kind of a slipper/moccasin combination, but they’re nice and soft inside, and he likes them. And luckily his feet are done growing at a size 11, so as long as the pair holds out, we’re good for a while.

  14. I own a pair slippers, two pairs in fact. Most times I just go bare foot around the house – with the drapes closed of course, wouldn’t want the neighbors to see my naked feet…

  15. We have plenty available here… even sheep skin slippers with the wool on the inside… lovely and warm… but to be honest..?… give me bare foot anytime….

  16. It’s amazing what you can’t find when you actually go looking for something. LL Bean almost always has men’s slippers. We buy them for my father in law there. Good luck finding them as cold feet season quickly approaches.

  17. Walmart. 🙂

  18. Anonymous said:

    Try fleece lined Uggs.

  19. Anonymous said:

    Try Uggs fleece lined slippers.

  20. And I am so grateful you are looking for the humor in ordinary things… okay, well, not so ordinary anymore! Delightful post!

  21. Lynn Murphy said:

    A glorious larky romp thru the daily customs of those of us born before 1940, and used to men’s SOFT Padded Feet and Smoking Jackets. Your original takes on the VERY ordinary, continue to delight Lynn

    Sent from my iPad

    >

  22. Try LLBean. I seem to remember seeing them in the shoe stores in Summit. Good luck! Fun post!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Tag Cloud

%d bloggers like this: