True stories with a twist!

It happens every year during the holiday season. Anticipation and good cheer abound. Except for the agony of getting anywhere to see anybody.

Battling traffic is enough to start a cycle of migraines in the healthiest of people.


How we can eliminate the traffic problem while still getting everyone where they want to go?

Here is my plan:

Every car owner periodically must renew his car’s registration. I propose that every time you send payment in for the new registration you get back not only the new registration, but a date for jury duty and a “Holiday Time Slot.”

With the new Holiday Time Slot everyone will be assigned a given time to travel. Since Thanksgiving is the most heavily trafficked holiday in the United States, we will start the new program on Thanksgiving, 2018. The efficacy of this groundbreaking new plan will be measured and evaluated.

Some travel time assignments may be more convenient than others. But when people understand the value of open roads and free access through them, they will be delighted to cooperate with this effort. Just to insure that Time Slot Travel is being taken seriously, decals will be issued stating the hours that this car is authorized to be on the road. Those not traveling at their appointed times will be issued traffic summonses.

One family may be assigned to travel at 9AM. This assigned time slot could turn some against our innovative and revolutionary holiday travel plan. But we offer options.

The 9AM slot, now called the “Too Early Time Slot” will be dedicated to those needing airplane involvement to reach their families. Find a family needing to travel to the other side of the USA. They need the extra time to get to their destination. If they were assigned a 3PM Travel time they will be overjoyed to switch times with you. Switching times is cleverly referred to as “The Bartering System.” This barter system will be encouraged, so all parties will be permitted to exchange their too-early time with a family assigned an afternoon time with shorter distances to get to.

Or you can be a good sport and travel at 9AM. If you choose that option you will accrue points toward next year, which you can use for an afternoon assignment. With structuring and arranging times travel will occur, we reduce traffic on the roads at any given time.

As always, taking human nature into the equation, there is the possibility of unscrupulous people using prime time slots for profiteering. Anyone caught price gauging will be barred from buying tickets to “Hamilton” for five long years. And a huge, outrageous, unfair fine will be charged for those tickets, just as it is now. But compound interest on the ticket prices will be added, whether or not the family wishes to see the show. Airfare to New York’s Broadway district: not included. It’s a great incentive!

Holidays lift us out of daily doldrums and bring people together with those they love. We wish you joy and hope you appreciate the efforts to manage massive movements of travelers we have every holiday year. Happy Thanksgiving 2018 and safe travels!

Comments on: "HOLIDAYS TRAFFIC PLAN" (18)

  1. All good ideas, although you’d be getting some adverse mail if anyone discovered you were the author of them! I imagine the problems are different in US to ours in UK, where one tiny hiccup in the best laid plan turns the M1 (spine motorway for most of the country), into a massive car park. A joyless holiday if you are stranded there for eight hours with three kids in the back. Thank you for following my blog, BTW. I look forward to returning the compliment. Have a merry (and hopefully not stationary) Christmas!

  2. All sounds ok, Ronnie, except for the jury duty gig. Hahaha! One other possible credit benefit is jam-free travel if you carpool ! Happy Holidays! 🙂

    • Former president received his letter of Jury Duty and he showed up. The thing is that he was excused from serving, being the ex-president and all…
      Carpooling is a great idea, and we do it as much as we can.

  3. Happy Travels, and wishing you a wonderful Festive Season Ronnie.. xxx 🙂

  4. can we get a discount on the registration fee if we elect not to travel on a holiday?

  5. That picture makes me so happy I live in a small town with none of that traffic.

  6. I nominate you to draw up the plans for the traffic bulletin! Great idea.

  7. Hehe, I’ll take that 9 am slot. No one wants me driving on the highway after dark. 😄

  8. As a State Trooper in CT many years ago I worked my share of Turkey Day pre and post traffic days. There were not many speeders during the peek traffic times. Most accidents were minor fender benders. I was always happy to work the busy night prior and be off to eat Turkey and watch football on the holiday. Tweak your Motor Vehicle law a bit and send it to Chris Christie, he might be able to use it on the GW bridge. lol

  9. harvey hammer said:

    I think there ought to be a published bulletin about all the new traffic rules.
    My solution would be to leave at 5AM and return about midnite
    Of course I would sleep through our TDay dinner, but that can always be blamed on the Tryptophan in the turkey
    Happy Holidays !?!

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