WHAT MAMA NEVER TOLD ME
Sure, we spoke about the qualities a future husband should have. But the real questions? The every day life questions? What about those?
What causes dissension between two people who love each other?
The Number One reason is temperature. Temperature also accounts for numbers two, three and four. And I don’t mean the FEVER, about which Peggy Lee sang. That would be too romantic. I mean temperature settings in the house. In a constant surreptitious way the arrow gets adjusted, pushed and changed from 68 to 74 degrees all winter long. Someone is always freezing; someone is always sizzling. Why don’t couples notice this problem when they’re dating?
Then come questions about spare time. At the end of a busy day do you like to relax and put your feet up, read or watch “Dancing With the Stars?” Does he feel raring to go, ready to dash out every night to attend lectures, loud violent movies, or night court?
Is he an “Inny or an Outty”, and we’re not discussing belly buttons. Are you content to stay home and putter in the garden, while he would rather get going immediately after morning coffee to drive to the Delaware Water Gap to hike? Is exercise something you both enjoy, or did a couch potato marry a Jack LaLanne?
Arguments about vacations: beach or the mountains? Would you rather be swarmed by ravenous blood sucking mosquitoes or suffer the bites of sand fleas at the beach?
Does one of the couple prefer roughing it and camping out while the other prefer the luxury of a pampering spa experience? Why are they always married to each other?
And why does every couple consist of one junk food and one health food lover? If one is dreaming of a Big Whopper and the other searching for Numi juice and organic Tofu, there’s a conflict.
So Mom, you let me down. You didn’t tell me about the real pitfalls of marriage.
Maybe I’ll feel better after a double Big Whopper, fries and a chocolate shake!